Since this week started with Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Monday was great. However, it only took about an hour for me to realize that – this week – Tuesday was going to be a Monday.
As usual, on the first day of a work week, getting out of bed turned out to be a grave challenge.¹ Although I eventually did manage to convince myself that my job held a higher value than sleep, I didn’t figure it out in time to stay on schedule. Instead, I had to face the fact that my only hope was that I could still manage to get out the door before my final cut-off time for leaving.
Choosing to shower before I had some coffee, I think I moved rather quickly, but I can’t really remember. Luckily, I managed to envision an outfit to wear while washing my face, so I at least had that going for me. Since I actually got around to doing laundry this weekend, I was ninety-nine percent sure it was clean (and it was).
After I pulled on my wardrobe selection, I decided to make my lunch. I put together a cute little yogurt parfait and spread the mayo on my honey wheat bed, sliced a couple pieces of cheese and opened my bag of turkey. Only, when I pulled out a couple slices of turkey, I realized that the lady at the grocery store made a mistake² and gave me ham. Determined to save money today, I put some on the sandwich and kind of hoped that the cheese and mayo might cancel out some of the grossness. (I’m eating it right now and it’s still gross. Ham is weird.)
While I was making this nasty sandwich, I brewed some coffee into a little Styrofoam cup, fully acknowledging that the amount of time I had left to straighten my – otherwise eccentric – hair was rather short. Today, for some god forsaken reason, my straightner wasn’t as hot as usual, so my hair isn’t quite as silky as I’d prefer. But eventually I finished getting ready, managed to not forget my lunch or coffee (although I almost walked out the door without the second) and got in my car.
Now, for those of you who aren’t aware, Wisconsin is frigid in January. So I was secretly hoping that I would have enough gas to get me to and from work today without stopping to fill up. Needless to say, I didn’t. In fact, the light came on as I reached the gas station. Luckily (if you can actually use that word), I had a few minutes to spare, so I was able to fill up my tank.
However, because every minute counts during any rush hour, I got stuck behind more traffic. Also, there was this one silver Intrepid in front of me that seemed to have a hard time paying attention to driving instead of staring at his cell phone, so people kept cutting in between him and the car in front of him. I know that the middle lane flows the fastest, so I was determined to stay there, and eventually got to the relatively inexpensive parking garage. (Please note that, as I write, the ham sandwich is not settling correctly in my stomach.)
After I got to work, I managed to enter the office somewhat unscathed. However, since being here I’ve managed to break my new paper weight, slam my pinky between my chair and my desk, walk into the same wall three times, slam my finger in the file cabinet and crack the protective case on my cell phone. Oh, and in case you didn’t read my earlier blog, people keep hacking my emails and social media accounts.
What I hoped would be a good day (because, you know, it’s TUESDAY) turned out to be just like all of the other Mondays out there. And now I feel like barfing because ham is just gross. And this, my friends, is officially my “Monday on a Tuesday” rant. I have to go back to work now, since lunch is over (not really, but I have to find something more appetizing to eat then ham).
¹You’re probably wondering why this is significant, but when you work in downtown Milwaukee, there are only so many places to park your car without actually paying for parking or risking it being towed. Consequently, since getting out of bed was a challenge, I ended up having to pay for parking.
²For once, I can say that there is no possible way I actually made this mistake. You see, I can’t stand ham. The white little strands keep me out. It’s just gross. So, there is absolutely no way I accidentally requested ham instead of turkey.