I don’t know about everyone else out there, but I am not a morning person. In fact, the only reason I leave for work insanely early in the morning is that I detest traffic and I really hate paying for parking when I can snag a free spot if I get to the office early enough.¹ However, just because I am capable of functioning in the morning does not mean that I am a social individual. In fact, there is absolutely no correlation between the time I wake up and the time I start to interact pleasantly with others. My desire to socialize depends entirely on The Coffee Scale.²
Cup One – The Awakener: When I first wake up in the morning, I always brew myself one cup of coffee that I casually sip while I’m coloring in my eyebrows (which refuse to grow correctly, but that’s a blog for a different day) or ironing my hair so people don’t think I’m the real Chewbacca.
This cup of coffee is like the base coat. It gives me the energy and strength to function through my morning routine and allows me to start to act in a way that a girl, in her mid-twenties, should act. It is the official cup of coffee that gets me out the door in a timely fashion.
Cup Two – The Ride Along: However, before I actually leave, I brew myself another cup of coffee – in a store bought Styrofoam cup. This little guy fits cozily into my morning routine by keeping me company while I’m driving to work. He gives me some more energy and, after drinking him, I have the social ability to at least say “Hello” or “Good Morning” to the people I cross paths with. Yet, I still keep my headphones shoved in my ears because, before I can actually pretend to be social, I have a couple more stages to go.
Cup Three – The Ice Breaker: This cup is named after those really lame – but somehow enticing – games that teachers and professors often have their students play on the first day of class “so that the kids can get to know each other.” This is the cup of coffee that crosses me over from the side of darkness to the side of appropriate social interaction – it breaks the icy wall that sleep and weird dreams put up between me and the world.
Cup Four – The Motivater: After I become an active member of the workplace, I then drink another cup of coffee which allows me to – actually motivates me to – start working. Some would think this is the final cup, the one that gets me through the day, but….
Cup Five (Through Infinity) – The Supporter: These are the cups of coffee that I sip on throughout the long work day. They keep me in an active and an awake state, serving as a type of life raft in a highly social world that I wish I could escape from.
So, am I the only one with a coffee scale? Or are there other people out there who have moods that switch depending on their own intake of coffee?
¹I rarely actually start working early, though. I find that “before eight in the morning” seems to be when I do my best writing.
²I feel as though I should point out that I have not, nor do I intend to, “Googled” Coffee Scale³, so I really hope that this blog is the first time anyone has ever written about it. However, I know that – based on some calculations I don’t know how to do – someone probably has. So this is a shout out to you, other Coffee fiend.
³Is a footnote inside a footnote allowed? I really don’t think it is, but I just thought of something. If I were to Google coffee scale, it would probably pull up a scale to measure the coffee beans with. I’m actually starting to think I may try “Googling” it.