I’m bat s**t crazy, and that’s that. You might be thinking to yourself, “No, crazy people don’t admit that they’re crazy. This chick is just trying to get attention.” You’re wrong.¹
I guess, when I go to the doctor, they don’t necessarily diagnose me with crazy. Actually, the exact term they use for whatever is constantly going on in my brain is “Generalized Chronic Anxiety”, which basically means I irrationally worry about literally everything. I don’t think I have anxiety attacks. I mean, generally what happens is I get into this funk where even one person texting me annoys me and I want to just go lay in my bed, pull the covers over my head and pretend the entire world doesn’t exist. Maybe that’s my “anxiety attack”, but I think it’s mostly just exhaustion from overthinking every little thing that any of my friends/acquaintances say or do.
The worst part is that it’s never positive overthinking. In fact, it’s normally super negative. For example, I send my brother a text message at 7:30 in the morning about something happening next week. He doesn’t respond by 7:40 (yup, ten minutes later) and suddenly, he must be dead or absolutely furious at me for something I did. Now you’re probably laughing, but I’m actually being serious. This is the crap that happens inside my head.
It get’s worse, though. In addition to being anxious about anything and everything, I’m also an introverted empath. First, I’ll briefly discuss what an introvert is (if you already know, skip to the next paragraph). Being an introvert means I prefer solitude to the company of others. In fact, being around people constantly drains my energy and makes me less than approachable. I do have friends – actually, I have quite a few – but I am only really close to a few.
My being an introvert is either the result of, or somehow intertwined, with my being an empath. According to the Google definition, an empath is a person who has a paranormal ability to feel what others feel. Basically, I get vibes from other people and, instead of brushing it away, I start to feel that way, too. Which would suck if it was just my friends that I do it with, but it’s everyone. Consequently, I find crowds to be extremely exhausting and, once again, prefer to just be alone.
So, basically, what I’m saying is I feel too much, I worry constantly and, as much as I’d love to be with someone, I’d normally rather just be alone². I’m telling you this because, if you’re going to be reading my blog on a regular basis, you kind of deserve to know where I’m coming from. Also, if you happen to be a new acquaintance of mine, this is my disclaimer.
¹It’s funny how much people can’t stand being told they are wrong, isn’t it? Like, for some reason they always assume the other person is calling them stupid, yet when Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1942, he proved the entire world wrong – cause, you know, the world isn’t flat – and they patted them him on his back and screamed, “Bravo!”. It’s weird, because he was wrong, too. Yet he was totally okay with it because he discovered a “new” continent (which he was wrong about, too).
²But I’ll probably worry about everyone hating me if I’m alone, so it’s like a vicious circle of crazy.